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A cheating partner, on the other hand, may get angry, shut down, or tell you to stop being so jealous. This is obviously an unhealthy reaction, and one that's all sorts of manipulative. In another attempt to put the blame on you, while also keeping you at arm's length, they may claim you're being too needy, invading their space, or not allowing them any privacy.

This is especially true if you do, in fact, provide plenty of room for privacy in your relationship. And you may start to wonder what's really going on.

The REAL Reason Why Your Cheating Ex Tries To Play The Victim

When you're out and about with your partner, do you notice that they're suddenly accusing you of flirting with others, or that you're "betraying" them, or "letting them down" in some way? As Dr.

Klapow says, "This allows them to shift blame or potential blame away from them and on to you. You might also pick up on another manipulation technique, known as argument baiting. So take note if your partner has been getting angry and upset over the smallest things.

If your partner knows you're turning to friends and family for advice about your relationship, or that you're starting to feel a bit suspicious, they may attempt to turn you against others. If anyone tries to drive a wedge between you and a loved one, proceed with caution.

7 traits most cheaters have in common

In order to get you to relax, and go with the flow, they may start to claim they're doing certain things for you — even when they're totally not, psychotherapist Laura F. Dabney, MD , tells Bustle. You might notice that they're working late "for you," or that they're dressing nicely "for you. All on their own, none of these signs guarantee that your partner is cheating.

But if they're doing something that makes you feel weird or uncomfortable, or they seem to be hiding something , that may be the case. The person who was unfaithful is clearly at fault — after all, they made the choice to follow through with the affair.

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To participate in any kind of infidelity — an ongoing, secret relationship, a one-time fling, even an emotional affair — an individual person has to make a series of choices, following through with actions they know are inappropriate. A person having an affair knows that it hurts their spouse, but they continue anyway. Does your spouse blame you for their affair?

Let’s Play the Yes Game

This idea of unmet needs is precisely why a cheater might try to point fingers back at their spouse, with common rationalizations like:. The only way to move past the affair and rebuild the marriage is to recognize the parts you both played. Repairing your relationship will be an uphill battle.

If no one in your life is rooting for you, this might make it even harder.


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Relationship work takes many forms, from talk therapy to changing the dynamic of a relationship. Seeing a theme here? The more your partner lies and withholds information, the worse this is for the relationship.

Stop Being Blamed for Everything by Your Spouse - Jack Ito PhD

All the progress you made will be lost. Sheri Meyers, a marriage and family therapist , told Fox News. Now that your partner has cheated, your relationship will never be the same.